Photography lovers!

Photography lovers!

 

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https://kalmviews.wordpress.com/2018/09/13/potent-thoughts/

Check the above photography blog, great pictures and awesome quotes. The name of the blog is Kalm Kaptures ¬†Don’t forget to follow ūüėö

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Self-Love-Repost

Self-Love-Repost

We read about loving yourself everywhere in the internet and books, so it’s important that we actually put the love into action.

Well the first thing that pops in this post is my image with, I did that on purpose to make you see how important I value myself and if you decide to stare at it then brilliant! I remember how I used to look down myself I had a low self-esteem trust me I found it hard to even stand in front of my classmates just to make a speech.

The only thing that made sense to me in those days was going home so that I can be away from people because I didn’t see the good in me so that made me think that’s what people thought of me as well. I didn’t appreciate my ideas so I didn’t even bother sharing them with anyone, I didn’t appreciate my walk because I was always teased that I walk like a duck wow it was hectic, lastly I didn’t have rich African hair so they call it I’ve always had fluffy ginger hair. So I didn’t fit in which I thought it was a must.

Time went on and as I grew gracefully I met people who didn’t appreciate themselves though they looked their best I mean people are beautiful out there but unknowingly they’re empty they see nothing amazing in themselves. Obviously you can’t have it all but if there’s one thing that was missing in everyone including me was self-love and self-acceptance which I thought I needed to relocate to another country to gain that,crazy I know.

I started to realize that actually I am lovable, sweet and beautiful when I told myself that there’s only one Thembekile and there’ll never another one. The world needs me to be confident,¬†no let me put it this way the world is hungry to see the real me and in order to put that to plate I first need to love myself and be confident. To tell you life became easier not perfect to be precise because I saw myself as a precious being, I started to tackle issue that concerns me with confidence and understood that the way I love myself is the way the universe will receive me. It began with me.

I am intelligent, beautiful, blessed and talented. I am Thembekile Ntsele and I love myself.

I didn’t know my strength-repost

I didn’t know my strength-repost

I didn’t know I had so much strength when I had to deal with betrayal that led to heartaches. I didn’t know I had so much strength when I got critically sick in my death bed, Yes I used to get sick and recover but being sick after getting a new job was the worst. I cried to a point where my mother would ask if I was in pain and I would say ” no mama I want to go to work,mama I want to write, mama give me my menu script let me write one article, mama I’m missing out at work, mama look at me”. I would cry to a point where I developed anger I was angry at myself, I thought I didn’t take my health into account I thought maybe God was trying to slow me down well I was confused.

All I wanted to do was to go back to do Journalism and write those stories then master this writing thing. I remember my dad took me to hospital, in my head I was mad and knowing myself I’d fight him and stop his car but I had no choice but to abide by his ideas of making me feel better, trust me I was mad. When we got there I was taken to the casualty room my goodness I couldn’t believe that I was here I lost my mind for seconds and I thanked God that my mom was waiting for me out side so she didn’t witness me losing my mind. The doctor came to me and asked me million questions and I said yes to everything I was really sick, Probably you asking yourself what was eating me my dear friend I don’t know until now the doctors didn’t see anything and I went through all the tests but there was nothing, all I did was to vomit everything and I lost lots of water in my body I had nothing I was just breathing.

adult art conceptual dark
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While I was still in hospital I heard the doctor telling the cleaner that I must be discharged. I felt injections going through my body and my legs, arms and head going up and down that’s when I realized that it was now in the morning. I was weak and had severe pains but I had to hold on because I heard the doctor mentioning “discharge” so I was a good girl no crying, no complains.

The nurse ¬†took out the drip and gave me my rope still weak and very dizzy, I saw my mom waiting for me she looked tired I smiled at her and she smiled back ‚ėļ she held my hand and whispers “You’re strong nana” I looked at her and held my tears. I whispers back and said ” allow me to leave, let me go I’m tired mama” she didn’t say anything instead she pulled me and said ” walk sisi” I had no choice but to walk to the car.

left human injected with hose on white textile
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When I got home I prayed and asked God to take me this is too much and I’m ready to rest. Then I vomited so bad after my lil prayer and fell asleep, in my head I was happy that it was my last vomit and I’m about to die. I woke up around 4pm and feeling much better all I needed was a pen and book to at least write something even about the cleaner who was so nice to me in hospital that would make a huge difference but unfortunately I couldn’t even hold a pen, sad isn’t?

Another week came by and I was still sick vomiting all the way. You know God will bring people who will never turn their backs against you, my sisters and brothers in Christ came to my place almost everyday to pray with me. I thank God for them really I do and I love them so much. But my dad would cry so bad on my bed side and I would fake my sleep so he can cry in peace without me witnessing it and little did he know that he was watering HOPE inside me. Yes hearing him pray to God with tears was not nice but I gained strength and had hope that his tears and prayers will make me walk properly and be myself again. Thank you papa your tears were worth it ‚̧.

 

Don’t point fingers all the time-repost

Don’t point fingers all the time-repost

We tend to point fingers at people around us and blame them for every misfortunes happening in our lives.

I remember how I hated my ex and blamed him for even failing a test at school because of the heartache he caused, like I would literally think if I never met him I’d be a better person now. I used to be mad at him and everything that concerns his soul.

I’ve learnt that it’s actually ridiculous to always point fingers at people and forget to introspect ourselves, sometimes we forget to forgive ourselves, we forget to understand that life happens and things never goes as planned. Right after understanding how human you are even through your heartache and understanding that pointing fingers will never bring solution to your frustration the better you will get a chance to do proper self evaluation.

art broken explosion glass
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Listen! It took me years before I could be fully over my ex and on the last phase of my tears I understood that I was the one to be blamed and I was delaying the process of healing. Of course he did me wrong like brutally wrong but it was up to me to heal though healing it’s a process.

Here are the thing that made me delay my healing:

* I had hope that things will be fine though I knew he had moved on

* I prayed to God to restore what almost killed me

*I blamed myself for the break up taking from the things he said wow how sad.

* I felt sorry for myself most of the time

* I was over thinking

* I was blaming him for making me feel useless and hopeless

All the above made him think he had space in my life. Very wrong right? I know.

I asked God to help me like this was a genuine prayer not that I wasn’t praying I was but I prayed forgetting that I should actually let go of this person my friend letting go of him felt wrong. You relate? Maybe you do. God came to my rescue and I started evaluating myself and pointing out my wrongs because after all he moved on without me and loved another girl though he used to say I was his world.

After so many years I realised that I was wrong and delaying my process of healing so I prayed and God helped me. I fixed my wrongs and changed how I thought about this guy and myself, I was able to forgive myself first and let go of him meaning I accepted that he is now a father and he moved on .

Now I am free from that prison of blaming the other person and pointing fingers. I identified my wrongs and fixed them, healing it’s a process and it has it’s own challenges.

Not blaming others and letting go it’s really up to you. Never point fingers, the problem might be with you. God’s grace can help you understand that every bad thing happening to you it’s never your fault but he didn’t say you should point fingers. Move on!

blonde hair blur daylight environment
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Let go and introspect yourself.

Love ya ‚ô°

Be Celebrated-repost

Be Celebrated-repost

Being celebrated is what we all desire but being celebrated for doing bad it’s not an ideal option.

People wonder why they’re not celebrated or appreciated, maybe¬†the reason can be because they don’t¬†give people reason to do so or they are¬†probably hiding¬†in their secret places and they’re not yet ready to be seen.¬†Some people fear being¬†celebrated because they think that the spotlight they will get will be in the very same level as their future¬†down¬†fall, this really causes a sense of negative energy in them and fear takes¬†charge.

A real celebration will be or can be hosted by your comforters and when I mean your comforters I’m actually talking about people who tells you things you don’t want to hear in¬†your darkest times. These people are always there for you and they can be your close friends, family and even colleagues¬†but still celebrate you wholeheartedly,¬†these people¬†are rare breeds.

Celebration doesn’t¬†always come with material things because a person can bring a nice present but still envy your victory, it doesn’t come¬†along with big venue filled with¬†hundreds of people but it comes with two words spoken from within which are “Well done”. In this life to be celebrated or to celebrate yourself you need to believe in yourself¬†and understand that before you could hear those two words from people who¬†are close to you, you need to say them to yourself first then the rest will follow.

Before you can expect much from the society and wait for that celebration show mercy, show some love and that will be reciprocated and your good deeds will spread. In that way you somehow gave people the reason to celebrate you and at least you managed to put a smile on their faces, CHEERS TO YOU!

back of man raising hands inside room full of people with purple lights
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Be known for your good deeds and that will be a reflection of your celebration and remember celebrate yourself first, trust me it feels good.

Be celebrated.

 

Him

Him

¬†The more I took my time, the more he became a lovely soul. Still didn’t trust him!

The moment he came into my skin I didn’t rush it, well this was because I had trust issues that would make me blur and I didn’t want to see him, feel him, know him nor see his face. I make excuses to everybody but to him I didn’t do that I lied, I said “I am busy” knowing very well that I am a couch potato¬† that eats and sleep like that was my routine because I didn’t want him.

christmas couch feet girl
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I saw him and in my small head he was lying his “Hello” text was a lie to me his calls were wrong, He was breathing wrong in a very wrong direction. “Hey you him, stop it I see you, I see the men that took me for nothing and brought shame” can you not! Just not today. Those were the thoughts running into my brain in fact my whole system. My intuition was right because I would find peace in rejecting him, its crazy and wrong but the peace that came with it was priceless. I didn’t care, boooyaaa!!

Not needing a “He” felt good, it was liberating. Oh maybe it was because I knew that he is a type of a “He” that won’t give up on me? my soul was enjoying that, I was abusing him haha it was fun I must say.

woman laughing white holding knees
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I am a type of person that discerns good things and I can tell if something or somebody is a good friend or a good “He” but this one confused my life the spiritual honey in me would be confused wow! I got many reasons to not entertain him more, who does he think he is? I can tell stuff, he must never! Listen the frustration I would be in when he was missing in action, the sadness, I don’t want to say I was missing him and I hope you not having that thought please don’t, just be on my side we don’t trust this “He” no hey. But I would be sad, really sad.

adult black and white darkness face
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He came back after 3 week, I was just busy with studying plus exam was hectic so I guess he knew that I wasn’t going to pay much attention but who said I didn’t want his attention? this person was disrespecting me, well he must just talk to me. Ninja please don’t go. While busy with notes and everything that has to do with school, I saw his text, that text was beautiful well it was a normal “Hey Tee” but in my eyes it was blossoming with spring flowers in winter, that text was important. For the first time after so many years of heartache and shame I had goosebumps, bees, butterflies and everything that is small in size with wings in my tummy. I spoke to myself without sending¬† a voice note I just said “hey sugar, you can’t leave without me huh?” and laughed so hard, felt good to hear from him again.

photo of red heart shaped paper hanging on rope
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I wouldn’t rush him, I knew he would come back and shower me with his love. I wouldn’t rush him. He is him, just him!